Monday, December 15, 2008

More Gelatinous Cubage

So, my entrant in Bash Wars III, the mighty Gelatinous Cube, has defeated Megan Fox and eaten of her flesh. But round two looks to be more challenging, as he comes up against the Inanimate Carbon Rod. I would say that the Cube just rolls over the thing and absorbs it, but it appears as though the Rod has hidden reserves - because it's winning!

So if you've got a Livejournal account, please head over and vote for the Cube - the Cube needs your help!

EDIT: The Cube lost. The ultimate Bash Wars Champion was Count von Count.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Vote for the Gelatinous Cube!

Bash Wars has come around for the third time, over at the Gore-Sports page. For those who don't know, every year this guy hosts a tournament where his Livejournal friendslist enters a character in a series of elimination fights to the death. People vote on the winner, the winner progresses, until there is one left to be crowned the Bash Wars champion.

In the first year, the winner was Brock Sampson from Venture Bros. I entered Unicron, who was inevitably defeated by Animal from the Muppets.

Last year I did not enter, and somehow lame doctor House won the whole thing.

This year I'm representing my D&D heritage by entering that most nonsensical, perfectly evolved dungeon predator - the Gelatinous Cube.

Due mostly to a lack of knowledge on the part of the guy running this show, the Cube has been seeded first. His round one opponent? Megan Fox.

Yeah, the hot chick from Transformers.

Things are looking good for the Cube at the moment - he's winning 37 votes to 27. But there's some stiff competition ahead. I don't like the Cube's prospects should he come up against Stephen Colbert, Count von Count, or The Inanimate Carbon Rod. But given the right match-ups, I think oldGelatinous can go far.

So if you've got a Livejournal account, please get along and vote for him! Represent for old-school D&D!

The link is here: BASH WARS III

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Twenty Iconic Monsters - Take 2

Ok, so I totally screwed up the list by forgetting to include any undead. Notre that I scribbled that list down in a couple of minutes without referencing the books - something was bound to slip through the cracks. But rather than edit the previous post to make myself look good, I'm going to have another go.

WHAT'S COMING OUT: The Chimera is out, leaving the Manticore as my sole representative of mythical beasts. I've reluctantly pulled the Wyvern as well - dragons fill that niche already. Black Pudding? Gone, since the Gelatinous Cube is way cooler (and more on him tomorrow). And sorry, Mr. Kuo-Toa - I love ya, but I need at least one demon.

ADDITIONS: The list needs some undead. In the interests of covering low, medium, and high levels, I wanted to put in Ghouls, Wraiths and Liches. I find Ghouls a lot more interesting than Zombies and Skeletons, and I needed Wraiths as the obligatory level-draining monster (with a cooler name than the Spectre). At the top it was a toss-up between Liches and Vampires, but Liches are much more of a D&D thing. But I can only fit two things here, so the Wraith is out.

I also need a Lycanthrope. In the interests of including the most D&D of the bunch, I went with the Wererat. It's not as iconic as the Werewolf, but it's another monster that you really only see in D&D and D&D-style fantasy.

Lastly, my token Demon or Devil. First I narrowed it down to a Demon, because I know them a lot better. Most people I know are also more familiar with them - they all know what a Balor or a Marilith or a Vrock is, but Cornugons, Gelugons, etc. they can't tell apart until you show them a picture. I'm going with the Balor, just for being the ultimate demon. If you want to have a bad guy summon one, it might as well be powerful.

So the updated list:





FIRE GIANT (Someone wanted to know why I picked this over the Frost Giant - I think that Fire Giants are a lot more versatile in terms of what terrains they can frequent.)















BALOR (or Type VI Demon if you prefer)

It's certainly a better list than the one I had jotted down previously. But if this experiment has taught me anything, it's that D&D has far too many cool monsters to condense down to a list of twenty.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Twenty Iconic Monsters

I got to thinking the other day about what I would do if I was ever asked to pare D&D's monster list down to twenty. No particular reason, I just thought it would be an interesting experiment. I didn't give it much thought, just banged out the first ones that came to mind. Here's the list.

ORC: Because D&D needs a 1 hit dice evil humanoid, and Orcs have more ties to fantasy literature than hobgoblins.

KOBOLD: They've become a D&D icon by now, and I do think that really weak monsters are useful.

GNOLL: Because I love them, and they're a D&D staple. And I just wanted a good range of humanoids in there.

OGRE: We need a big bruiser. It was a toss-up between this guy and the Hill Giant, but I went with the Ogre because I like the name better.

FIRE GIANT: I needed at least one type of giant on here, and I chose Fire Giants for coolness. I almost went with Cloud Giants for the Jack-and-the-Beanstalk factor, but in the end the Norse-inspired Fire Giants won out.

TROLL: How could D&D's rubbery, regenerating trolls not make the list? One of the first survival tips anyone will learn in D&D is this - use fire on Trolls.

DARK ELVES: Again, they're so intrinsically linked to D&D - they even have an entire series of classic modules centred around them! And probably D&D's most famous novel character is Drow as well.

MIND FLAYERS: Squid-headed brain-eaters? Check. One of Gary's finest creations, it's a shame he didn't do a great deal with them.

KUO-TOA: Because we need some amphibious/underwater foes. And which better than the Lovecraftian Kuo-Toa?

BEHOLDER: Is there a more iconic D&D monster? Any list that doesn't include these is wrong. Objectively.

PURPLE WORM: A gigantic worm that can swallow PCs whole, and an all-round fearsome monster.

DISPLACER BEAST: D&D classic "I'm hard to hit" monster.

RUST MONSTER: One of Gary's monsters specifically designed to screw with players, and the most recognisable - hey, it's been in Futurama!

CARRION CRAWLER: A great monster to use for a hard encounter for low-level PCs.

MANTICORE: I just think it looks cool, but it's a monster probably more famous through D&D than myth.

CHIMERA: Again, the same applies.

WYVERN: Dragons with scorpion tails are cool.

GELATINOUS CUBE: D&D's most iconic ooze - a square blob of jelly that is perfectly evolved to fit into dungeon corridors.

BLACK PUDDING: The other great ooze.

RED DRAGON: And last of all, but definitely not least, the most iconic of dragons. It was this guy or the green, but went with the fire breath.

So, did I miss anything? Let me know.